People always ask me why I’m so vocal about my recovery.
I gotta give it to them, I guess it is kinda a weird situation. I was silent so long about my actual eating disorder, so why am I so obsessed with talking about recovery? Why do I want to talk about something that I was so quiet about for five years?
Well, it isn’t for attention. It isn’t for my glory. It isn’t to say, “LOOK AT WHAT I DID, I WENT TO TREATMENT AND BEAT AN EATING DISORDER WOW LOOK HOW GREAT I AM.”
It isn’t like that at all, and if it was, I would 100% give you permission to punch me in the face.
Really, me talking about my recovery isn’t about me at all.
I talk about it because others who talk about it are why I got treatment.
If you didn’t know, there is a whole eating disorder recovery community on Instagram. I religiously stalked it last year. And I mean I hardcore stalked it. I followed all these girls (and guys!) who had eating disorders, some still struggling, but most of them in recovery. I was obsessed with these people because they were talking about what I had been quiet about for so long.
I was amazed. Like, what? People actually talked about their eating disorders? They talked about the good, the bad, and the ugly? They even admitted that they had a problem?
I was enthralled. These people were so free, and I wanted that freedom. I wanted to live like they were. I wanted to eat Ben & Jerry’s with my friends and have pizza nights with my boyfriend. I didn’t know how they did it, but I wanted it.
Seeing these people living their best lives in recovery inspired me and pushed me to take my own shot at it.
If those people on Instagram had not have talked about their recovery, I would not have gotten help.
I mean that in all seriousness.
I thought an eating disorder was my life. I thought that there wasn’t a way out. I thought that I was destined to live that way forever.
But those people in recovery gave me so much hope.
I saw that they were living so free and open, and I realized that if they could do it, I could do it too.
Because I knew that they used to be just like me. They were afraid of recovery. They didn’t want to start. They didn’t even know how to start. But eventually they did. And it was hard. And it hurt like hell. But they did it. They found freedom apart from their eating disorders.
They used to be where I was. That meant that I could get to where they are.
So that’s why I talk about it.
I talk about it because if those Instagrammers had not have talked about it, I would have never been brave enough to seek treatment for myself.
But they talked about it.
And I got the help that I needed.
And now I’m getting better.
So I’m going to talk about it.
I’m going to be that person that those people were to me.
People think that they’re alone. No one talks about it, so sufferers think that they’re alone in the fight. But they aren’t. And they need to know that. I needed to know that. I’m going to let them know that they aren’t alone.
I’m going to talk about it so that other girls and guys know that they can do this. So that they know that recovery is possible for them. So that they know that they are strong enough and brave enough and free enough.
People who talked about it helped me.
I wouldn’t be here today if those people had not talked about it.
And if my voice can help one person, then I’m going to keep talking.
I’m never going to stop talking.
Because it is time to talk about it.
It’s going to keep being time to talk about it until eating disorders are gone.
And until that happens, I’m never going to stop talking.
I’m not going to stop until everyone knows freedom.
Happy National Eating Disorder Awareness Week. This year’s theme is “It’s Time to Talk About It.” We can’t keep quiet anymore. Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness. 30 million people in the US suffer from an eating disorder. We can’t shut up about this UNTIL THEY ARE GONE. Talk with me. Learn more. Get screened. Educate others. Find ways to get involved and get more info at nedawareness.org.