I’m not sorry.
I’m tired of being sorry.
I’m tired of apologizing for being in the way, for taking up space, for existing.
Why am I apologizing to people simply because I exist?
Don’t those people exist too? Why aren’t they apologizing to me?
Because it would be dumb if they apologized to me for merely living their lives.
So why the heck am I doing that?
I’m a college freshman living in a dorm building. I love it. I love the independence, I love being around friends 24/7, I just love the atmosphere of a dorm building. But I’ve found myself apologizing all.of.the.time.
I round the corner just as someone is coming from the opposite direction. I say I’m sorry.
I open the door to walk in the building just as someone opens it to walk out. I say I’m sorry.
I step out of the bathroom stall just as someone walks past. Again, I say I’m sorry.
And each time I say sorry, it isn’t an “oh, I’m sorry!” Really quick and bubbly. No. I say it barely above a whisper, as if I have done something so horribly wrong that I need to feel guilt for.
But now I’m asking myself,
I am simply walking, so why am I apologizing?
Why don’t I just say hi and move on with my life?
Why do I have to feel as if I’m in everyone’s way?
I’m tired of believing the lies that I’m not as worthy as everyone else. Those are the lies that created my eating disorder and self harm and every other little thing. I’m not giving into them anymore. I’m not going down that path again.
So I’m done with apologizing for living.
I’m not sorry anymore.
I’m not sorry for walking down the hall.
I’m not sorry for opening the door.
I’m not sorry for stepping out of the bathroom stall.
I’m not sorry for existing anymore.
I deserve to be here.
So I’m not sorry.